The Sound of One Crow Laughing

So you have a project and you want to use original art with it, but you don't just want the art. You want art a friend has made. You want your artist friend hissing and spitting in the background while providing said art. You want her cursing in every language she knows. Why? Because it adds a certain something to the finished project.

Here, then, is how to go about getting that I-don't-know-what out of your otherwise serene friend:


1. Never speak of budget.
If your artist is a pro, she will probably try to soak you for every dime of it, if it's sizeable. If she knows it's roughly equivalent to your pocket lint, she might not take the job. And if she doesn't have three degrees in this sort of thing, then she's really not worth paying.

2. Never give firm requirements.
Artists thrive on freedom, and actually telling them what you're looking for imposes limits on the process. It's better to let your artist hone her mindreading skills--she can discern from your fawning what your image and product requirements are, and no matter your budget (see above), she can find a way to get what you need when you need it (see below).

3. Never check your e-mail, or if you accidentally happen to check it, never reply.
Your artist asks for feedback so you can stroke her ego. It's a childish habit that you need to break her of. And besides, any work that doesn't fit the design you've been silently cherishing in your head can easily be reworked in the last days before you need your product (see below).

4. Never speak of deadlines.
Your artist was trained by Montgomery Scott and can accomplish anything in three hours, if you press hard enough.

5. If you decide to nix the project midstream, go blithely on about your business.
After all, your artist will know her services are no longer required when she hasn't heard from you in a few weeks.






~exhales, shakes head~
And of course, every single issue that I snarkily point out here can also be tracked to a failure to communicate on my part. If I'd asked these questions outright before even touching this project, this thorn would've worked its way out of my side faster than you can say "survival instinct". The things you learn the hard way...